old.blog.alan.schram

Tolerating Intolerance

2008-11-09T16:26:00.003-08:00

After a splendid morning watching "Flags of our Fathers" instead of going to church, a light salad for lunch and a brisk walk down Marine Drive, Ashley and I hopped on a bus to complete our journey to Park Royal. As with most buses, ours was moderately full, and filled with all peoples of all ages. We settled on two free seats at the back of the bus near a younger Asian gentleman and across from a young white man who seemed to have forgotten to leave his angst in his teenage years. Ashley and I started to engage in discussion of some sort, most likely about Obama, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye an elderly woman a few rows behind me turning around in her seat to address the people sitting behind her.

"Excuse me, do you know what country you are in?" She asked this to the obviously foreign seat dwellers behind her. Their reply was too quiet to be heard. She continued to ask, "do you know what the official language of Canada is?" At this point I was quite stunned. First of all, most people on buses do not address one another, unless it is an almost inaudible "excuse me" as one attempts to get past another. Secondly, this type of interrogation seemed more fit for the dark corner of an American intelligence office rather than the brightly lit fairly crowded public transit system. It was especially shocking coming from a gray haired woman who seemed to have to raise herself to be seen behind the seat backing.

"That's right, it's English, and I'd appreciate it if you would speak in English".

At first I was able to keep myself from laughing out loud, but my looks of incredulous shock were matched by Ashley's reaction to the rather vocal conversation. I soon noticed that our almost emo brother was intrigued by this as well. The fact is, this lady was insulted that people would come to her country and speak in a foreign language, as opposed to the official language of English "Oh, and French" she added, twisting in her seat to throw that quick quip back over her shoulder before returning to face forwards. At this point, I was actually laughing, in short shocked bursts, as the complete insensitivity, and the utter intolerance displayed by this woman. Now, I too have been bothered by numerous people coming on buses and loudly discussing whatever it is in a dozen different languages. But I have never thought to myself that this "did not belong in Canada". In fact, that is the beauty of Canada. Sure, we have two official languages, but one is only used as the predominant language in Quebec. We also have six or seven unofficial languages that make their rounds in China Town, or Little India, or hell, even Newfoundland.

You know, I was so proud of America for finally getting past their racial roots because I felt as though they had raised themselves up to our standards. I had forgotten that in a democratic society, as our Asian bus friend reminded us, every person has a right to their own opinion, no matter how much I may disagree with it. So even Canada has their fair share of bigots, racists, and intolerant old women. I suppose that I'm okay with every person having their own opinion, but the one thing that I struggle to tolerate is intolerance.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2008-11-05T08:50:00.002-08:00

Last night was, and will always be, a historic night. It was one of those nights that we're going to teach our children about, and our children will describe to their children how grandpa was there that night, watching CNN and their fancy "hologram" technology for the first time.

America has taken a huge step forward in the election of the first black president. Watching CNN, reading Time Magazine, I'm reminded by the fact that the entirety of the world has come behind this man, proud of America for taking this step forward. Yet I can't help but be saddened at the result from Proposition 8 in California. It's not official as I write this, but at 95% of the vote, 52% voted in favor for the "protection of marriage".

My major question is this. If your marriage feels threatened by two homosexuals who love each other, your marriage has far greater problems than the definition of marriage. If you feel as though your marriage is tainted, or dirty, because of same-sex marriage, then you need to re-evaluate your own marriage before you evaluate others. If you are worried that your kids will turn gay because his friends parents are both female, then you need to be concerned about your own parenting, not theirs. In my opinion, proposition 8 shows me that hopefully, someday in my lifetime, I will also be watching history being made as the first homosexual presidential candidate gets elected. Maybe then we can give gay people the same rights as us straight blacks and whites.

A Hopeful Beginning

2008-11-04T22:58:00.002-08:00

It has now become apparent the irony of my last post's title.

I'm sitting here in my apartment's living room, listening to CNN replay Barack Obama's acceptance speech. America has reached a period of transition. As one president of the United States prepares to leave office, the new President Elect prepares to move his black family into the White House. As a Canadian observer, I feel the need to note a few things, so that one day we can look back and remember this day. Our feelings, our hopes, our fears.

I was very nervous leading up to this day. I've been watching and admiring Barack Obama for about a year and a half now. I remember first seeing him on "The Daily Show", as some throwaway additional Presidental Candidate. As I got to know some of them better, I started to pick out my favorites. Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, Barack Obama. These guys seemed to talk straighter than most other politicians. They represented something to me. As the race narrowed to a few candidates, I clearly chose Barack Obama as my favorite. He was the dark horse, quite literally, and I was excited to witness history in the making. I was hopeful that America could finally, at least symbolically, move past a terrible past that has haunted them. Yet I was still afraid. Of an assassination attempt, of the "Bradley Effect", of a man that seemed too good to be true.

This is something that has astounded me. That a man, black or white, who promises to speak to Americans as though they are adults is something that is too good to be true. How far have our hopes and expectations fallen (and I definitely include Canadians within this) that the idea of an honest man causes us to recoil in fear. What deep secret might he be hiding? Is it that he will be tolerate of homosexuals? Dare he allow his faith to influence his moral, but not political decisions? Will he be the acclimation of all our hopes?

One thing I do know for sure is that Obama will dissapoint some of us. He will either be too liberal or too conservative. He will be too cautious, or too rash. He will be too open, or too closed. He will not satisfy us all. But he has promised to explain the reasons behind his actions, and that is something that none of us have had for far too long.

If nothing else, Barack Obama promises hope. At this point, none of us know whether or not he can deliver. Regardless, this shows us that the American people are not who the Bush administration have portrayed them to be. Perhaps they too are a little more honest, a little more tolerant, and a little more hopeful than we give them credit for. I witnessed history today, and I pray that I will continue to witness history for the next four years.

A Hopeful Conclusion

2008-03-09T10:20:00.002-07:00

Well, I think the burden of the wisdom teeth is coming to a pass. For 9 days I was on pain killers, and yesterday I managed to make it through the entire day without taking one.

Now, I did feel pain, and brushing my teeth sucks, and eating is often less than pleasant, but overall I believe that the pain threshold has been lowered, and that gives me hope. I was supposed to go to a dentist on Friday, but I never got around to it until the afternoon, by which time it was too late for the offices, which are reopened on Monday. So my only choice was to wait it out, and I'm pretty glad that I did.

Ideally, from here the pain will eventually entirely recede, and I can return to eating normally. Worst case scenario, something gets infected, which would be a thrill within itself.

But hey, here's hoping that the saga has concluded, and this is something I can tell my children about when they get theirs removed with lasers.

Dry Socket

2008-03-06T08:07:00.002-08:00

Wisdom Teeth sockets are troublesome.

So, 8 full days after getting my Wisdom Teeth removed, I still have a lot of pain. At first, I thought that I was just being a wuss, and that I should be able to take it. However, while I was at work last night, I sneezed.

And that hurt, my jaw, and my wisdom teeth sockets, a lot.

So I looked up dry socket again, to reinform myself of their symptoms, which are:

Partial or total loss of the blood clot at the extraction site, which you may notice as an empty-looking (dry) socket
Visible bone in the socket
Pain that increases between one and three days after tooth extraction and that typically becomes severe and unrelenting
Pain that radiates from the socket to your ear or eye on the same side of your face
Bad breath or a foul odor coming from your mouth
Unpleasant taste in your mouth
Swollen lymph nodes around your jaw or neck

I have 5 of the 7. While my pain may not be jaw-dropping (ha!), it does seem to be quite "unrelenting", and spreads from my sockets to my chin and forehead. When I sneezed yesterday I got the same taste in my mouth that I got when I first had them removed. That weird bloody/puss taste. Delicious.

So anyways, now my assumption is that I have dry socket, which sucks, hard.

Meanwhile, I still can't eat anything crunchy without suffering dearly for it. I just want to eat some chips, or a toasted sandwhich, or lettuce!

Wisdom Teeth (Story, Medication, Schedule, Diet)

2008-02-28T08:13:00.010-08:00

I apologize for the length of this entry. I don't expect anyone to actually read this, I think it serves more as a journal of this experience for myself more than anyone else. However, if you are going to get your wisdom teeth pulled, it might be worth a read to learn from what I experienced.

Story

Wisdom Teeth are troublesome.

Back in December I went to the dentist for the first time in about two years. I had just been busy at school and camp and unable to make it to an appointment. Something I wanted to find out about was my wisdom teeth, as they had never been mentioned to me before during a check-up. So when the Dentist came in, I asked about them, and he replied that it was now time for them to come out, as otherwise they could prove to be difficult later. I figured it was time, as most others have them removed a little while before that. So we scheduled a time for Reading Week and that was that.

Going into the surgery I was a little apprehensive. As with most everything that I am unsure about in this world, I looked it up on the internet. According to Wikipedia, there are numerous potential implications and post-extraction probelms, such as bleeding, oozing, dry socket, swelling, and nerve injury. I even found some interesting reports where some scientists claim that the preventative removal of wisdom teeth is not helpful, and sometimes even harmful.

The night before I have to make sure that I don't eat or drink anything 6 hours before the surgery, so I stop eating at 9:30 Tuesday night. Wednesday morning arrives, and I wake up at 6AM. My appointment is at 7:45AM in Kelowna, which is about a 45-60 minute drive from Summerland (or more, if you're my mother). We leave around 6:30 and arrive around 7:30 at the office. We arrive just as they're opening, and the receptionist calls us early birds before giving us the first set of forms to fill out. After that is painfully completed, we're ushered in to the first room, which has the standard dentist chair. Here is the consultation. We're given another form that lists the potential complications, most of which were already cited on Wikipedia, but now include the risk for permanent nerve damage and broken jaws.

The oral surgeon comes in and goes over the form with me, circling "dry socket" and "bleeding", say that those are the two most common problems associated. He said that after the surgery the nurse would explain to me the things to eat, how to gauze the bloody holes, etc. Once I, and my mother, signed the form, I got moved to another room by two lovely nurses, who insisted on putting me at ease by singing some song that I didn't know. They were a little insulted when I didn't know it, and then realized it was from before I was born, and therefore forgave me. They then put an IV in my arm, put a heart rate monitor on my thumb, and made sure I uncrossed my legs so I don't get a cramp. They then asked me if I knew who Ronald Regan was, made some joke I don't remember, and then said that they're going to put in the stuff that makes me fall asleep.

After that point everything got really really fuzzy. I remember saying something about knowing who Ronald Regan was, the actor of course. And oh, the President of the United States, his other job. Then I don't remember anything. Apparently some people talk still after they're knocked out, and I do remember mentioning to them that I was planning on saying something embarrassing about myself just to keep them entertained. They promised they wouldn't tell anyone.

The next thing I vaguely remember is being woken up and taken somewhere with a place I could lie down. I'm pretty sure I walked there, but I'm not positive. Anyways, I remember some nurse coming in, I don't know who or anything, and she changed the gauze in my mouth. It came out covered in blood. She said some stuff to me, I don't remember anything. My mother told me that she was there, and was giving me instructions about how soon I can take the gauze out (1 hour), what I should eat (soup broth, not too hot), but I don't remember any of that. I remember being led to a door that let me out. Apparently it was a side door that was locked when I tried to walk out of it (which I don't remember), though I do remember thinking "sneaky door". I don't really remember any of the drive home, though apparently I was doing charades for my mother and wrote jokes on paper for her. I even turned on the radio to a station I liked (I have no memory of this) and was mumbling to myself. Hurray for knockout drugs.

What I do remember doing next is being in my house. I took some drugs. The dentist recommended that I take two Tylenol 3s with codine, and one advil. So I did. I changed the gauze right away (apparently not supposed to, but there was a lot of blood in my mouth). I was worried about the blood not clotting like it has to to prevent dry socket. My mother said I was only supposed to have it in for that one hour, and I disagreed, so she called the office to see what they would say. My mom asks, and the nurse asks to talk to me. I suddenly am feeling very tired, as I stand in the kitchen. It's very difficult for me to talk, my mouth is very frozen and my tongue doesn't respond as it should, so I mostly grunt in response. She asks how much it is bleeding, said that it was mostly normal, and I don't remember anything after that. I was leaning on the counter, my mom was trying to get me to hold the phone to my own ear, but I was holding myself up. I suddenly slump forward, too tired and exhausted to hold myself upright. Again, out of nowhere, I feel incredibly nauseated. I feel like I'm going to puke. The phone conversation is done, I say to my mom that I'm going to go and puke. She said no, as obviously that would be quite bad for everything, especially my freshly stitched gums. I ignore her and head for the bathroom because I know that I'm going to puke.

The next thing that I remember is being pressed up against a wall. After that, I remember waking up when I hit my head on the floor. I definitely fainted. I don't really remember much at that moment, or what was going on. I know my mother was freaking out, and that my dog was barking, and that I felt incredibly calm. I remember my mother saying, "Oh Alan, you're worrying me!", and I calmly replied, "Yes, I am aware of that". Proper grammar seemed suddenly important. As soon as I hit the floor, the feeling to puke left me. Apparently the first thing I said when I hit the ground was "Oh, that feels good". I lay on the floor for awhile, the hard cold tile, and eventually my mom brought a towel for my head. After a few minutes I got up and went to lie on the couch.

I figured that it was probably the multiple T3s plus the lack of food. I had just eaten some tofu shake (fruit, yogurt, tofu, like a protein shake of sorts), but not very much, and hardly had any water. That is probably as close to an overdose as I've ever gotten. Crazy weird.

Medication

Speaking of the medication, my oral surgeon always prescribes three medications for his patients. T3s w/ Codine, Penicilin, and one called Dexamethasone, which is also to prevent allergice reactions, infection, and swelling, and also a pain killer, I believe. The pharmacists were also kind enough to give multi-page info sheets for each drug, describing the use, how to take, when to take, and potential side effects. One side of T3s, for example, is dizziness and nausea, and should be best taken with food. Hey, I figured that one out.

Each drug is different, and needs to be taken at different regularities, at different times of the day, some with food and some without. It took me the entire first day to slowly figure out when to take what.

Penicillin should be taken one hour before eating food, or two hours after, four times a day, at regular intervals.
T3s should be be taken with food, every 3 or 4 hours depending on pain
Dexamethasone should be taken with milk or food, on a regular basis, starting at 9pm the first night.

Schedule

Here is my daily schedule for drugs and food:

8:30: Breakfast
9: 1 T3 [1], 1 Advil [1], & 1 Dexamethasone (except on day 1) [1],
10:
11: Penicillin [1]
12: Lunch / 1 T3 [2], 1 Advil [2]
1:
2: Penicillin [2]
3: Snack / 1 T3 [3], 1 Advil [3]
4:
5: Penicillin [3]
6: Dinner / 1 T3 [4], 1 Advil [4], & 1 Dexamethsone [2]
7:
8:
9: Penicillin [4]
10 or 11: Snack / 1 T3 [5], 1 Advil [5]

Advil Extra Strength, 400mg - x5: Total 2000mg (do not exceed 3 unless directed by physician, which I was - I skip them when I feel I don't need them)
T3 w/ Codine, 30mg - x5: Total 150mg (take 1 or 2 every three or four hours as needed)
Penicillin, 300mg - x4 (take one tablet 4 times a day)
Dexamethasone, 4mg - x2: Total 8mg (take 1 twice a day starting at 9pm)

In the schedule that I have there, I take Penicillin every 3-4 hours throughout the day. One possibility was to take it earlier, right after I woke up, but then I'd have to wait two hours before I could eat breakfast. The Dexamethsone could alternatively be taken with the 10 or 11pm snack, to keep it more consistent.

Day 1, I took all drugs
Day 2, I've started cutting back on the advil as the pain decreases
Day 3, I traveled back to Abbotsford, so I missed a Penicillin. I also skipped one T3, and just took an Advil instead. The second T3 of the day made me nauseous when we traveled. I also skipped the last T3 of the day, meaning I only took 3 T3s on Day 3, and two Advil.
Day 4, Might eliminate all pain killers, depending on pain, of course.
Day 5, the Dexamethsone runs out, I stop taking it then.
Day 7 or 8, the Penicillin should run out. Will continue to take it regularly, 4 times a day, until then.
Day 8 or 9, no drugs should be required, hopefully. Will update as time passes.

Diet

So there's a wee bit of controversy about this part. The dentists gave me a sheet that recommended "clear liquids (for example, apple juice, lukewarm broth) for the first 24 hours". I definitely ignored that. Searching around on the internet seemed to find a wide variety of potential options, and a couple of repetitious ones. I do not think that one can simply recommend one simply diet for all people, it depends on the severity of the surgery and how long you've been healing for.

I started out by eating liquid foods. So far this has included: tofu shakes, yogurt, scrambled eggs, and soggy cheerios.

The tofu shakes are pretty much just a smoothie with tofu thrown in there. Canned peaches, pears, some yogurt, some orange juice, and some tofu. Not sure what kind of tofu, my mother made it for me. Thanks, mom. It tastes pretty darn good, and has the added benefit of protein.

Scrambled eggs were another delicious one, which I'll probably have for the third time in two days later this afternoon.

I only tried the cheerios today, fearing that they'd have to be chewed. I waited until they were quite soggy so that they would mush if pressed against, lessening the chance of damaging anything. I, as with most of the food I've had so far, place it on the middle of my tongue and just swallow. It worked out pretty well.

I'm about to eat some Kraft Dinner, and I'm planning on using the same technique as the cheerios.

I've read about people eating and enjoying some mushy rice and beans, but that seems to be too much work.

I didn't stick to the "clear liquids" as prescribed but I haven't had a problem yet. If one develops, I'll let you know.

Also, now that it is day 2, I've begun to rinse my mouth with salt water (1/2 teaspoon per cup of water) after each meal. Tomorrow I'm going to brush the front of my teeth, and avoid the back, just so that my mouth doesn't feel as horrendous as it does right now.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment and I'll do my best to respond.

Update:

Things that are good to eat:
Soggy Cheerios
Oatmeal (thanks Ashley)
Scrambled Eggs
Kraft Dinner
Boiled Perogies (chop them up into swallowable sized bites - eat them while they're still a little wet, or cover them in butter to help them slide)
Yogurt
Pudding
Tofu Shake

Things that are not so good to eat:
Icecream Shake (too cold, have to press it against roof of mouth to eat, therefore brain freeze)
McDonalds fries (tried some, have to spend a LOT of time mushing them with hands, chewing with front teeth, too much work)

A Letter to Arithmetic

2007-12-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Math,

I don't like you, and I never have. I often ask God himself why, on earth, would he ever have allowed you to come into existence. I equate you alongside mosquitoes. To me, you are disease ridden and blood sucking. You take the sun from my sky and the blood from my vein, and for that, I don't like you.

But I do respect you, as paradoxical as that may seem. I have no choice but to admire you. You're so consistently neutral about everything! It's like you haven't a care in the world, and maybe on some level I envy that, and so I respect you, but not enough to do much with you except use you for your talent, and then leave you, as far from my mind as possible. The only thing we have between us, math, is physical.

I don't want a reunion. When I left you in grade 11, I left you for good, and I won't ever go back. There were too many late nights and too many early mornings. There was too much stress and too much damn WORK in our relationship, and for that I won't forgive you. Sure, people said we were good together, but they didn't know how I truly felt. So no, I don't want to get back together with you, I like our arrangement the way that it is.

Cold.

Hard.

Calculating. Just the way you like it.

We'll see who wins in the end of this little relationship. You never had any love for me, let's face it, and now I'm just returning the favor.

Sincerely not yours,
blog.alan.schram

A Letter to Falling Frozen Precipitation

2007-12-03T22:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Snow,

Greetings! It has been some time since we last met. I do believe you were in the final stages of death, and my merciless boots aided in your demise. What can I say? After you've been around for a couple of months, I get quite sick of you.

Anyways, seeing as it has been so long since we last hung out, I have no problem with your current presence. Just know that you should really learn the social signals given to you when it is time for you to leave. You're like a poor uncle, pillaging the coffers my parents worked so hard to fill for us children. You're welcome to come, but you're even more welcome to leave.

Sincerely yours,
blog.alan.schram

A Letter to George H.W. Bush (Sr.)

2007-12-02T08:46:00.001-08:00

Dear President Bush,

Greetings, Mr. President Sr. I must admit that I am not used to speaking with one who was once in such a position of power. I am sure that your time is valuable, and as such, I will be brief.

I have heard rumour that you were tried and convicted of war crimes during the Gulf War. This makes me wonder what your son is doing over there as well, also being accused of war crimes. Is he finishing what you started? Is he righting your wrongs? I am confused, Mr. President, and I would like some answers.

Sincerely yours,
blog.alan.schram

P.S.

http://www.alternet.org/story/68843/

A Letter to The Communicative Device, Letters

2007-12-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Letters,

Thank you for being so awesome. There's nothing quite like finding you in my mailbox.

I must admit, sometimes you can be quite hard to deal with. You are not the easiest method of communication I've tried to get along with recently, but let me tell you, when I do set time aside to spend with you, I do enjoy it. There's just so much about you that I like. I like your form factor. The greeting, the salutation, something about it just rings true in my heart. I always know where you stand, who you're from, and where you're going. I simply love the clarity of your thought.

I also love your past, letters. You have been the one consistent long range method of transporting thought. You've been a part of church history, you've helped make Lewis famous, and you've brought tidings of war and peace. That's another thing that makes you so special, letters. You are so capable of conveying such a range of thought and emotion. You've done everything. You've told a wife that she's become a widow. You told ordinary people that they've become jurors, or are being audited. You transported my childhood sweetheart's love into my bedroom with me. For that, you are quite indispensable.

So for that reason, dear letters, I must apologize for ignoring you of late. I don't write with you, and I should. I've been an adulterer, flirting and flaunting with the pornographic electronic version of you.

Please know, that e-mail will never replace you letters. Not in my heart, anyways.

Sincerely yours,

blog.alan.schram

Success

2007-10-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

"The secret to success is sincerity, once you can fake that you've got it made"
- Jean Giraudoux

Sunday Morning Church

2007-10-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

I've fought it for a long time, but I've finally been able to admit that I don't like church.

If nothing else, church becomes counter-productive to my spirituality. The moments where I've experienced the most spiritual growth (whatever that means) have always been outside of the church. When I am honest about the condition of my soul, I am not holding a bible in my hand. I am not wearing slacks and a pressed shirt. I am not playing bass, teaching, or pew-ridden. I am alone, with God.

Sometimes I am with a friend, just one, and it is dark in the room so that I feel comfortable. Maybe I had a beer so my inhibitions about being honest are lessened slightly. Sometimes I've just had a cup of tea, I'm in the corner of a coffee shop, and there's a buzz that drowns out my hushed words. I never come to soul-saving realizations while singing "Blessed Be the Name" with 400 other tired and slightly hung over Christians.

At church there's a series of established rules that are true for all evangelical services. You stand when they tell you to, you can sit if you're disabled. You sing along with the bouncing ball or mistimed power point, you don't have to if you're playing the music. You're quiet when the pastor's preaching, you leave if your child is noisy, and if you're over 50 you can sneer when those under 30 don't put money in the offering plate.

Church is work. I can't relax at church. I can't be honest in church.

I learn more about God watching ducks do yoga on a concrete pipe by the side of a dirty lake.

I learn more about God listening to grown men weep, and even more when I let my own soul weep.

I feel more in community watching Batman cartoons and eating banana pancakes than visiting an institution of 150-1000.

I feel more in awe when thunder rumbles than when a preacher mumbles.

So I've given up on church. For now. I like the idea, and I've tried lots of churches. I've been to postmodern, modern, and premodern services, but none of them match what I experience in life. Mundane life. I understand that church is not "for me", but the church has no place for what I want to offer: doubt, fear, anger, and mistrust. So until church decides to become more like life, less like a business, and more like my friend, I'm giving up on church. The law of diminishing returns demands it.

In Rainbows

2007-10-04T09:01:00.001-07:00

Do yourself (and radiohead) a favour. Head over to their new website and preorder their new album.

"In Rainbows" was scheduled to be released in 2008, so having it come out this early is a huge surprise. I know that I am terribly excited for it. What's even more impressive is that they're releasing this album independently, having completed their deal with their label. Beyond that, the release of the album is primarily online. You have the choice of buying the DRM-free mp3s, downloading them on October 10th when it releases, or ordering their $82 collectors box set.

I chose to order the mp3s.

Oh, and did I mention that when you order the download, you pay whatever you want. "It's up to you", says the site. "No really, it's up to you". You insert how many pounds you want to pay for the album, and that is what it will charge your credit card. If you think the music should be free, it is. If you think it is work $20, it is. According to their publicist, most people are paying close to retail price for the album. Whether or not that is true, I hope we'll find out.

What is true is that the overwhelming response to the site shut it down.

So do yourself (and radiohead) a favour. Go buy their new album.

The Absurdity of it All

2007-09-28T23:49:00.000-07:00

If you have the chance, and the stomach, I suggest watching "Dexter". I do believe it airs on HBO. It's a twisted, dark portrayal of a serial killer working as a blood splatter analysis for the Miami police. He only kills those that have "escaped justice". Meanwhile, he tries to live as a "normal" human being, though entirely incapable of emotion.

He does, however, "fake it" all the time.

The first few episdoes turned my stomach, but the more that I watch, the more I pick up on the things behind the crime scenes and seemingly inhumane murders. There's a touching subplot about what it means to be human, and how so many of us are always faking it. There's a lot about relationships, and what it takes to be in one. Can a person genuinely fake love?

My favorite moment thus far is when the hero of the story, just before he's about to kill a married couple who were running illegal immigrants as far as their dollar would get them (and then drowning them if they couldn't pay), stops to ask them their thoughts on love and relationships. "How long have you been married?" "How have you stayed in love" "A shared dream?"

And then, of course, he kills them.

And goes home to his girlfriend.

And shares his dream with her. To build intimacy. False intimacy, of course, but perceived intimacy nonetheless.

Twisted.

I like it.

Prayer

2007-09-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

I find that God is silent only when I ask the wrong questions.

I Hear God Through Corporate Slogans

2007-09-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

"You can do it, we can help"

Past, Present, and Future

2007-09-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

Augustine is smart.

He argues that the past and the future do not exist, except for their reality in the present. Only the present exists.

The past exists only in memory within the present, and the future only exists in expectation within the present. The present is the only reality.

He also has thoughts on hell.

Apparently, "weeping" always refers to regret over the past, and "gnashing of teeth" is always linked with dread for the future. So in hell, where there will be only weeping and gnashing of teeth, your existence is utter separation from the present, and eternity is spent regretting the past and dreading the future.

Augustine is smart.

Corporations, Movie Quotes, and Bannanas

2007-09-20T00:05:00.001-07:00

Did you know that there is a science of exploitation?

I got to watch a few bits of "The Corporation" tonight. Every time that I watch that film I get a little more angry. It frustrates me not that there are people out there that want to make money and own things; I can understand that.

What frustrates me is that we've created this ideal "American Dream" and its come to the point where the dream is beginning to own us.

I like when we watch movies like "The Matrix" or "I Robot" or even that episode of The Simpsons where their house tries to kill the whole family. It's been a classic question ever since we created the computer: how long before they rise against us and try to kill us? How long before our own creation turns against us?

What are the chances that it is already too late, and we just don't know it?

I'm not saying that your TV is going to pick up a knife and slit your throat, and I highly doubt that your clock radio purposefully "forgets" to go off at 8:30AM, though the possibility is not out of the question. I sincerely do not believe that we will one day have to EMP the entirity of the earth (if we still have control of the EMP, that is) just to rescue the human race from an onslaught of PCs (lets face it. Mac's are too cute to be evil).

A corporation is not a human being. A corporation is a legal structure. You cannot kill a corporation; just the people that own, operate, and are affected by them. A corporation is legally obligated to place the financial interests of their owners above competing interests - even over public good. A corporation cannot make an ethical or moral decision. It is not human. A corporation cannot kill itself; it has a responsibility to the stock holders.

We, as humankind, have already begun our own destruction. We have created a monstrosity that is destroying the earth, increasing poverty, decreasing healthcare, privatizing water, denying human rights, exploiting women, children, and the oppressed, and it has no way of stopping itself.

But hey, it's alright.

We have a solution.

Buy local produce. That'll show 'em.

TV Shows

2007-09-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

I like TV. A lot. Probably more than I should. I've got a fair number of favorites, like The Office, Firefly, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Jeopardy, Heroes, Scrubs, House, and more (read: Grey's Anatomy, Beauty and the Geek, anything else I ought to be ashamed of).

So the Emmy's interested me. I didn't watch them (I don't have cable. ha.), but the results are available online. The one that surprised me the most was the winner for "Oustanding Comedy Series". 30 Rock won. I have to admit, I had never seen it before. But seriously, when you go up against the brilliance of Steve Carrell and BJ Novak, you've got to be good to win.

So when 30 Rock won, I assumed it was good. And then I watched two episodes. I'm less than impressed. Sure, there were some moments of genius (read: dancing and hot dogs), but overall it was pretty standard for a comedy series. Racial jokes, physical comedy, make a person feel awkward and "shock" the viewer. It's been done. And done better.

I wish that The Office won.

I also wish that Stephen Colbert won, as now we'll have to put up with his hatred of Jon Stewart (who did win) for another year. Seriously, just because he begs for an Emmy doesn't mean you shouldn't give him one.

Oh well.

Here's to another year of fantastic TV. Who else is going to get up early on Saturday to catch all the new cartoons? No? Let me introduce you to a little something called: SKUNK-FU? Saturday morning. 9AM. WB Network!!

Honesty... Honestly?

2007-09-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

Moral dilemmas piss me off.

So after my PC a'ploded into a small smattering of fried electronics, I had to get a new computer. I ended up choosing to get an Apple (gasp!) iBook. I also ended up choosing a battery that was issued for recall, with the expectation that I would get a new one from Apple, for free, as per their battery exchange program.

Brilliant, I thought.

A free battery, I thought.

Well, I called and confirmed and haggled (as someone had already used my battery serial #) and got them to send me one. I waited a few days, and lo! There be a box for Alan! Egads, I exclaimed! I opened said box and thought, by golly, that it was a large box to hold a battery.

Inside, there was no battery. There was, instead, an envelope.

Within that envelope there was a static free plastic wrapper.

Inside that wrapper there was a MacBook logic board. Retail: $650.

So I debated. Should I sell it on eBay for $350? Should I take it to the MacStation and see what they'll give me for it? Should I buy a MacBook case and keep it? It was a brand new MacBook logic board. The box was addressed to me. It was, essentially, mine.

But was it?

A dilemma is, according to the dictionary, "a situation requiring a choice between equally undesirable alternatives." I had two choices: keep/sell the board, get money (which is needed), sell my soul. OR, call Apple, tell them what happened, see what they say.

So for a week I waited. And thought, and wondered. I waited for Apple to call and ask if I had received anything out of the ordinary. I priced out how much I could get for the logic board (anywhere from $250-600. One guy would've traded me for a mac mini, monitor, and eMac).

And today, I called Apple. I waited on the phone for 84 minutes, talked to a CSR and Product Specialist, and the only conclusion that they came to was: a) they want it back, and b) they don't know how I got it. So they're going to call me back. Whatever. We'll see where it goes from.

While I wish I would've got a couple hundred dollars out of the deal, I know that it was the "wrong thing to do". And that pisses me off.

Hell In A Handbasket

2007-09-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

To "going to hell in a handbasket" is a phrase that essentially describes a situation going from bad to worse. The origins of this phrase are unclear, however, there have been documented phrases that are similar, such as "going to heaven in a wheelbarrow".

I want to go to heaven in a wheelbarrow. Someone push me!

Anyways, the last two weeks could be described as pretty hellish. I've basically disappointed most everyone that I know and love. That's always a good way to bring depression upon oneself. Other calamities include: my PC's motherboard, which I so dearly loved (see: 2006 blog posts), decided that I had punished her enough over the last three years and went to be with the Lord. The bunkbed that I had sitting in storage all summer refused to vanquish the bedbug infestation of April '06; thereby forcing me and my roommates to sleep on the floor for a couple of days. Also, my roommates eat my pickles, and by jolly that just ain't right.

Regardless, not all things are bad.

For the past number of years (read: 9) I've tried to be better at schoolwork. It is not that I'm poor at academics; far from it. What I do lack is the discipline to put my full effort into assignements. Ever since highschool I've been finishing homework at the last possible minute. I clearly remember sitting in the hallway, eating my kaiser bun sandwich, writing out the answers to my Chemistry questions, or throwing down a 500 word historical essay on the library computers in thirty minutes at lunch. Every year I'd promise myself that I'd do better this year.

Except, of course, grade 12, where David (best friend) and I actually decided that we'd slack off as much as possible and still graduate. Which we did. I took three classes and he did trades work.

Regardless, this trend continued through college. I'd wait until 11pm to start writing a 5 page paper, finish around 2:30AM, and hand it in the next morning. The very idea of "proof reading" was laughable.

Yet, things change.

I'm proud to announce that, this year, I've finished every assignment ahead of time. I'm "working ahead" in classes. I'm actually reading the books for book reviews! Sweet mercy hallelujah; praise Jesus himself I have been redeemed!

Well, so far anyways. It's only been one week, really. But, there's been so much other stuff occupying my time (see: paragraph 3) that I have no choice but to be studious. Oh, and losing my PC meant I got a laptop, and it's a MAC at that, and it's old, because I'm poor, so I suddenly don't have as much opportunity to watch: Heroes, The Daily Show, The colbert Report, that painter guy, all 9 seasons for Seinfield, friends, Scrubs, the Office, Chuck, Dexter, House, Grey's Anatomy, or a movie or two. Or thirty.

Pray for me. I'm practically starving for media, to the point where I'm downloading Vintage 242 podcasts to keep myself entertained.

The Blogging Life

2007-09-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

Why do I blog?

I used to blog a lot. When I was working security at good ol' CBC, there ain't much else to do at 4:30AM but write about how much I like girls, kittens, and various inanimate objects. When you have no friends, it is easy to write about all your inmmost thoughts and feelings. When the people who affect your thoughts and feelings read your blog, you can get in trouble.

I don't blog much anymore. I haven't for about a year straight, maybe more. Last summer I wrote a bit because I was at home in Kelowna, where again, I had no friends. This past year at school I didn't blog, and this summer I didn't blog, for various reasons.

Yet I'm considering blogging again.

If you ever read "how to blog" on the internet, the first thing they'll tell you to do is find a theme and run with it. Surely someone out there desires to read about origami, or about what you make your child for lunch everday, or about the thoughts and ramblings of internet personalities. If I blog again, I will not have a theme.

I'm considering doing some sincere soul searching over the next eight months, and perhaps I will allow you to come on that journey with me. Perhaps I will not.

This post is not to say that I'm going to start blogging again. This post is to say that I'm going to consider it. You have been sufficently warned.

In Memory...

2007-04-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting past few weeks. Normally when stuff like this happens, it is blog worthy, and I guess in a sense by writing this, it is. However, the situation has demanded not public reflection, but inner monologue, as I wrestle and attempt to arrest thoughts that do not belong in my tortured mind as spring finally blossomed. Only to fade underneath a blanket of snow, April 2nd, 2007, and reawaken this past week, soaring into new heights. I don't think the metaphor is coincidental.

Coincidence. The dictionary defines it as "a sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged". "Mere chance". Sometimes in life we hit spots where we don't think there is any reason to the world. We don't understand why certain things happen; why relationships fail; why wars start; why we experience pain. This past week something terrible happened. One week ago Monday, there was an avalanche in the northwest corner of BC. A friend of mine was on that mountain, Kim. Another close friend was dating her, and he is living just down the street from me. I got to a fairly small school, where most everyone knows most everyone else, and their girlfriend. When we heard, we either knew Kim, know James, or are friends with their friends. It hit the school hard, and I don't think all the tremors have gone out yet.

Last week Monday I woke up in a daze. I hadn't gotten enough sleep, I was about to preach, and there was a layer of snow covering everything. As I watched, more and more snow piled onto of the existing layer, in April. This was madness. This was crazy. I preached, I attended classes, and just before dinner, I found out that Kim died in an avalanche. Coincidence.

Lori said that the snow was Kim's kiss goodbye. The same thing that brought her death slowed the city to a standstill. It was an already unlikely day. Coincidence.

Yesterday I listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler. It was about God. It was about the majesty, the power, and the presence of God. One of the points that he made was that God knows everything, from the macro (planets, the temperature of the stars), to the micro (he holds every atom together), to events throughout history (what Aristole ate for breakfast the day he died). Yet somehow we have the arrogance to think that we know better than God. Coincidence.

I sometimes wonder why Kim died. I see pictures of James and Kim together, and I die a little on the inside. I cry. I weep. I scream. I don't understand. I pray to God and ask him why. Over and over and over again. Because I don't understand. I don't get it, and I demand, like Job over his aching wounds, why.

I have this tension. I mourn and I weep over our loss, but I praise God for his majestic glory, his impeccable timing, and his merciful grace. In a very real sense, Kim has gone home. She is where she belongs; where she was made to live. She is more alive now than she ever was before, and for that I cry "thank you, Father". But that doesn't make her death any less real, or any less tragic. But it does make it bearable, as I know that God is sovereign, and there are no coincidences.

You Know You Have a Good MSN Name When....

2007-03-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

This is the second conversation that it has inspired. Again, slightly edited. This time I gave myself bold. My blog, my thoughts.

Matt D says:
I thought about giving up coffee for lent
Matt D says:
then I laughed at myself and poured another mug
GoAT says:
hah.
GoAT says:
***** gave up ****.
GoAT says:
except on Sundays.
Matt D says:
yeah well
Matt D says:
if ***** can give up ****
Matt D says:
**** can definitely giveup *****
GoAT says:
I just find that people give up things for lent that they really should've given up a long time ago already. They just want to use lent as an excuse to better themselves.
GoAT says:
Not to identify with the suffering of Christ.
Matt D says:
hahahaha I heard a thing on the radio about people giving up sex for lnet
GoAT says:
yeah, I know a guy that gave up premarital sex for lent.
GoAT says:
I don't know any married couples that have given up sex for lent. I think that would be difficult.
GoAT says:
unless your sex life is really bad, ha!
Matt D says:
wow thats soo amazing of him .... lame
Matt D says:
hahaha are you kidding, I could never give up sex .... once Im married
Matt D says:
I'd have to be like , ok i am moving far far away until easter
Matt D says:
then I will be back
GoAT says:
It depends. I know that there's biblical basis for temporarily giving up sex for spiritual purposes. So, say the marriage is having a rough time, you give up sex and replace it with fasting (from sex) and praying.
GoAT says:
Sure, it would be hard, but it is not about your physical pleasure, you know?
GoAT says:
It's about physical displeasure.. to identify with Christ...
GoAT says:
and boy, does our culture need a little of that.
Matt D says:
hmmm is it actualy displeasure though
Matt D says:
I can see if sex becomes a routine and has lost its erotic nature yes forsure
GoAT says:
Is what actually displeasure? Not having sex?
Matt D says:
giving up something to "better" a relationship with Christ
Matt D says:
to the world, yeah giving up something you like is displeasure
GoAT says:
yes yes! It is physical displeasure, right? I mean, there's a huge argument for giving up the physical things being spiritually benefical, or spiritually pleasurable, right? I mean, look at history's examples of asceticism.
GoAT says:
so yes, in one sense it is displeasure, but in another it is pleasure.
GoAT says:
but, of course, this is where we run into the risk of gnosticism.
Matt D says:
yes, that is what I was attempting to put into words
Matt D says:
isn'ts that kind of dualistic though? or maybe Im wrong
GoAT says:
good! that's exactly what I was saying about gnosticism. The seperation of the body and the soul, of which our culture (espceially men) are very guilty.
GoAT says:
I think it ought to be a fundemental Christian belief, and I think there's scriptural support for this, to say that our bodies and our souls are linked (hence no sexual immorality, abstience from food sacrificed to idols, etc. take care of body stuff)

Lent Rant - An MSN Conversation

2007-03-16T00:18:00.000-07:00

I changed my MSN name to "I gave up lent for lent" and a friend commented on it. This was my reply, to which I thought "Hey, I should blog about this", but I'm writing an overdue paper on baptism so I figure I'd just post the slightly censored conversation on here.

brad | 41-23-6 | says:
love it. gave up lent for lent, that's awesome
GoAT says:
lol
GoAT says:
you like that?
GoAT says:
you can use it next year, but this year I have it copywritten.
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
hahaha
GoAT says:
Yeah.. this year when Lent was coming around I was thinking if I was going to do anything for lent. Lent eventually came and I didn't choose anything, so I just didn't really care.
GoAT says:
Then I kept hearing all these people who gave up things that they should NORMALLY give up that they gave up for lent.. like sugar, premarital sex (seriously), j-walking, just stuff new years resolutions.
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
that was the same for me
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
oh i know
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
stupid
GoAT says:
So I decided to go on strike against lent, and that's when I got this idea.
GoAT says:
I mean, the classic/historical/orthodox view of lent is awesome. It's not "pick something you wanna change about yourself and pretend to suffer with Jesus while you're doing it".
GoAT says:
I mean, if you pick something GOOD, something where you really suffer, awesome. I'm all for giving up media (like, all of it, not just movies on weeknights), or giving up lunch, or something truly painful, because that's sort of the point. replace that time with Jesus time. Identify with suffering as much as we in the North American culture can.
GoAT says:
And I know ***** THINKS he's suffering by *** ******** ******, and maybe he is, but really he was ****** too much ***** before Lent started anyways.
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
its true
GoAT says:
but I like the orthodox view of lent.. where the whole church decides to suffer together, where they have rules and regulations to guide people in their lent.
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
it's like me giving up NHL hockey
GoAT says:
so much more communal.
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
that would actually really suck
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
well
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
i guess
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
media
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
your right
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
all of media
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
hrm
GoAT says:
hah. there. that's my lent rant.
GoAT says:
free of charge
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
it's a good rant indeed
GoAT says:
thanks
GoAT says:
i've been practcing.
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
haha
GoAT says:
practicing*
brad | 41-23-6 | says:
alan, you are delightful
GoAT says:
thank you sir.