Army of Darkness & SubGenius

What more can a man say about this time honored, beloved movie. The third installment of the "Evil Dead" triology can easily be a standalone movie. It is, beyond words, brilliant. It's also one of the worst films of all time. Yes, it is truly a testament to a cinematic paradox, being both odious and laudable at the same time.

Army of Darkness, starring Bruce Campbell, is an epic tale about going into the past, scoring the hot babe, and awakening the dead copy of your own rotten corpse that grew out of your shoulder, who then commands an army of poorly animated skeletons to steal back a book bound of human flesh. Being a devout follower of all things dead (zombies are real; knowledge is power; take notes or die), I watched with utter fascination and with a growing comprehension that one liners are, in fact, the key to saving the earth from complete and utter destruction.

It was awesome.

During one of the breaks from the glory, to pee or drink iced tea, we decided to look up Army of Darkness on rottentomatoes.com, imdb.com, just to see what we would find. A few links later, we discovered that the hero of our story, Bruce Campbell, is actually a member of the "Church of the SubGenius". As with anything you wish to learn yourself upon, we then sought the advice of He That is Most Knowledgeable - wikipedia.

Their article on the Church of the SubGenius was pleasantly informative. Essentially, this "religion" is the exact opposite of most religions, and that is the point. Their desire to mock Scientology, for example, displays their passion for blashphemy, rebellion, and general havoc. They are a profit organization, and are the only religion that is proud to pay their taxes. It is a satirical attack on religion itself.

For $30, you can become an ordanined minister for The Church of the SubGenius. However, you cannot then marry people, as the FAQ points out. However, it may all be in vain, for "X-day", when the alien "X-ists" come to "rupture" the whole earth, may or may not have occured July 5, 1998, as the prophecy foretold. However, the scriptures may have been read upside down (forcing us to wait until 8661), a clerical error may have occured, leading us to only believe that the year is post-1998, or the X-ists may have arrived in a metaphysical fashion we are unable to comprehend. Opinions, it seems, vary.

Also, Pee-Wee Herman is a SubGenius minister.

The Church was founded in 1953 by "Bob". Yes, the quotes are necessary. It's part of the faith.

It's fascinating what one can find given far too much time and an internet connection. Join me next week for an exposé between Al Gore and bacon fat.