Dirty Christianity

I recently began reading Stumbling Toward Faith, by Renee Altson. It scares me.

I'm terrified when I think of all the misuses of the name of God. I used to worry when I said "God Dammit" or "Jesus" under my breath that I was "using the Lord's name in vain". I've been known to use Jesus' name lightly, alluding to him being a close male friend who I've spooned with, or a pimp. I sometimes call him a self-righteous bastard, but that one's theologically correct so I think I won't be in purgatory as long as some people. I think a stronger violation of that particular commandment is when Renee was raped by her father while he recited the Lord's prayer. For some reason I think God is angrier when that happens.

I also get worried about the abuse of the church. There's story after story of her life how the church abandoned her when she needed help the most. The scary thing is, I can more closely identify with the institutions than I can with the author. Essentially, she was one rotten apple (no surprise) and as such, caused disturbances and distractions. It makes sense, democratically and financially, to remove the distractions so that the majority of students/church members could benefit.

I remember Jesus saying something about 1 in 100. I don't think he was joking, or exaggerating. I think we've cut our losses and gone home for the night.

Who have I injured without knowing? How many people have hidden pains, unthinkable pasts that I so callously ignore because it doesn't fit into my comfortable expectation of faith? Oh God, forgive me for my ignorant, life destroying actions that I thought were for the best.

I was wrong.