Success

"The secret to success is sincerity, once you can fake that you've got it made"
- Jean Giraudoux

Sunday Morning Church

I've fought it for a long time, but I've finally been able to admit that I don't like church.

If nothing else, church becomes counter-productive to my spirituality. The moments where I've experienced the most spiritual growth (whatever that means) have always been outside of the church. When I am honest about the condition of my soul, I am not holding a bible in my hand. I am not wearing slacks and a pressed shirt. I am not playing bass, teaching, or pew-ridden. I am alone, with God.

Sometimes I am with a friend, just one, and it is dark in the room so that I feel comfortable. Maybe I had a beer so my inhibitions about being honest are lessened slightly. Sometimes I've just had a cup of tea, I'm in the corner of a coffee shop, and there's a buzz that drowns out my hushed words. I never come to soul-saving realizations while singing "Blessed Be the Name" with 400 other tired and slightly hung over Christians.

At church there's a series of established rules that are true for all evangelical services. You stand when they tell you to, you can sit if you're disabled. You sing along with the bouncing ball or mistimed power point, you don't have to if you're playing the music. You're quiet when the pastor's preaching, you leave if your child is noisy, and if you're over 50 you can sneer when those under 30 don't put money in the offering plate.

Church is work. I can't relax at church. I can't be honest in church.

I learn more about God watching ducks do yoga on a concrete pipe by the side of a dirty lake.

I learn more about God listening to grown men weep, and even more when I let my own soul weep.

I feel more in community watching Batman cartoons and eating banana pancakes than visiting an institution of 150-1000.

I feel more in awe when thunder rumbles than when a preacher mumbles.

So I've given up on church. For now. I like the idea, and I've tried lots of churches. I've been to postmodern, modern, and premodern services, but none of them match what I experience in life. Mundane life. I understand that church is not "for me", but the church has no place for what I want to offer: doubt, fear, anger, and mistrust. So until church decides to become more like life, less like a business, and more like my friend, I'm giving up on church. The law of diminishing returns demands it.

In Rainbows

Do yourself (and radiohead) a favour. Head over to their new website and preorder their new album.

"In Rainbows" was scheduled to be released in 2008, so having it come out this early is a huge surprise. I know that I am terribly excited for it. What's even more impressive is that they're releasing this album independently, having completed their deal with their label. Beyond that, the release of the album is primarily online. You have the choice of buying the DRM-free mp3s, downloading them on October 10th when it releases, or ordering their $82 collectors box set.

I chose to order the mp3s.

Oh, and did I mention that when you order the download, you pay whatever you want. "It's up to you", says the site. "No really, it's up to you". You insert how many pounds you want to pay for the album, and that is what it will charge your credit card. If you think the music should be free, it is. If you think it is work $20, it is. According to their publicist, most people are paying close to retail price for the album. Whether or not that is true, I hope we'll find out.

What is true is that the overwhelming response to the site shut it down.

So do yourself (and radiohead) a favour. Go buy their new album.