In Memory...

It has been an interesting past few weeks. Normally when stuff like this happens, it is blog worthy, and I guess in a sense by writing this, it is. However, the situation has demanded not public reflection, but inner monologue, as I wrestle and attempt to arrest thoughts that do not belong in my tortured mind as spring finally blossomed. Only to fade underneath a blanket of snow, April 2nd, 2007, and reawaken this past week, soaring into new heights. I don't think the metaphor is coincidental.

Coincidence. The dictionary defines it as "a sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged". "Mere chance". Sometimes in life we hit spots where we don't think there is any reason to the world. We don't understand why certain things happen; why relationships fail; why wars start; why we experience pain. This past week something terrible happened. One week ago Monday, there was an avalanche in the northwest corner of BC. A friend of mine was on that mountain, Kim. Another close friend was dating her, and he is living just down the street from me. I got to a fairly small school, where most everyone knows most everyone else, and their girlfriend. When we heard, we either knew Kim, know James, or are friends with their friends. It hit the school hard, and I don't think all the tremors have gone out yet.

Last week Monday I woke up in a daze. I hadn't gotten enough sleep, I was about to preach, and there was a layer of snow covering everything. As I watched, more and more snow piled onto of the existing layer, in April. This was madness. This was crazy. I preached, I attended classes, and just before dinner, I found out that Kim died in an avalanche. Coincidence.

Lori said that the snow was Kim's kiss goodbye. The same thing that brought her death slowed the city to a standstill. It was an already unlikely day. Coincidence.

Yesterday I listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler. It was about God. It was about the majesty, the power, and the presence of God. One of the points that he made was that God knows everything, from the macro (planets, the temperature of the stars), to the micro (he holds every atom together), to events throughout history (what Aristole ate for breakfast the day he died). Yet somehow we have the arrogance to think that we know better than God. Coincidence.

I sometimes wonder why Kim died. I see pictures of James and Kim together, and I die a little on the inside. I cry. I weep. I scream. I don't understand. I pray to God and ask him why. Over and over and over again. Because I don't understand. I don't get it, and I demand, like Job over his aching wounds, why.

I have this tension. I mourn and I weep over our loss, but I praise God for his majestic glory, his impeccable timing, and his merciful grace. In a very real sense, Kim has gone home. She is where she belongs; where she was made to live. She is more alive now than she ever was before, and for that I cry "thank you, Father". But that doesn't make her death any less real, or any less tragic. But it does make it bearable, as I know that God is sovereign, and there are no coincidences.